Jul 19

all the things i learned from my father


they have a song on this album called “Train HELL” thats not as good as a song with that name should be

[pure orthodox icon serenity]

youre welcome



this is just a render im sad as hell about it



this is just a render im sad as hell about it

no no no im way too frail for that i hurt my back a few weeks ago from repetitive stress and bad posture so i got a little thing that i wear at night so my back doesnt go out of alignment while im sleeping

Jul 18

i got a little compression belt thing its weird and novel and kinda fun

flesh prison update

that bell hooks thing about not saying ‘i am in love’ saying ‘i am loving’ or ‘i am ready to love’ instead

so i feel less like capital L Love is some sort of huge edifice that i’ll never be able to live up to that is only capable of crushing me

this is all polemical as hell and unfair probably

it can be hard to distinguish subtlety from indifference sometimes and there are a lot of things the film does feel strongly about and works to represent honestly but the stuff that bothers me still bothers me ionno ionno ionno

i also think that those kind of death and eroticism themes in a work of art cant be anything but crass when theyre paralleled or contrasted or w/e with an actual war with an endlessly repeating structural horror

its one thing to idly fantasize about slashing your throat in georges bataille way thats more or less harmless its another to endorse even obliquely actual real violence

i kno thats reductive sorry but the narrative is gross in a lot of ways

none of the characters express any sorts of reservations about the specific  war theyre fighting about the japanese invasion and occupation of china and the atrocities associated with that its just war in general war is awful chinese characters are barely represented just a few hotel workers for a few seconds, comfort women dying of cholera, guerillas barely glimpsed hundreds of yards away ionno the more i think about it the grosser it seems and i know there are plenty of other war films and anti war films that have those same sorts of blind spots most western anti war films have imperialists as protagonists and the movies are about them and their doubts and their agency but still

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